


to your bones, shining with starlight

by captainhurricane



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 16:03:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhurricane/pseuds/captainhurricane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can hear and see how the universe turns and will turn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to your bones, shining with starlight

**Author's Note:**

> i'm feeling very teary and overemotional so why not write something for the Doctor.

**x**

If only you'd see it one last time, that silly old planet with its sun-coloured fields and the most beautiful sky in the universe. If only you'd ran through those fields one more time before taking your granddaughter's hand and taking what wasn't yours (even when she was, from the very beginning; she was the one who stole you) and running away because like everyone else in the universe; you, of course you dreamed of seeing the stars on your own, not bound by your society that never really felt like a home to you anyway. So off you went, to heal the wounds of the universe and to travel, gathering Companions from left and right and sometimes entirely by accident but every time they settled into your hearts; teachers, runaways, pilots, the shipwrecked and those who looked up and up and smiled, thinking that one day the stars will be theirs. Yet the stars swallowed them and you left them behind (before they left you behind). Your planet shines through the cracks of the universe.

If only you'd see it one last time, that silly old planet with its stern watchers and the voices that ran through the galaxies and the Citadel, oh, is there anything more wonderful? You move on, like you always do. You run away because sometimes being a coward is just better, yeah. You move on, through ice and metallic voices and Companions who shield you and love you and cling to you, the saviour, the one who ran away and whose hearts are beating so, so loud. You etch yourself into the fabric of reality, heal what has been broken and in the process heal yourself as well. 

**x**

There is Earth, blue and white and green and the most beautiful thing and you only once (or twice or three times) think about your planet and those people you left behind. Home is where the heart is, your machine-home tells you when you dream and you wake up with a grin. That's right, isn't it. I wanted to see the stars and be free and here I am, free. You become anew so many times by being a protector but really, you wouldn't have it any other way even when sometimes (at the darkest times when the nights are long and lonely, in between finding those who take your hand and travel with you with all the emotion they can muster) you wonder, just for a blink of an eye if the universe wants to accept what you're giving it. 

Or the people- oh, the people! You can look at the most eccentric alien without an ounce of fear and marvel at its beauty, you can find the horror and wonder of a human heart and so you proclaim, you may hesitate but you fall in love every day because even when you are you-

even when the planets turn and stars die and you can see everything- 

-even then you find something to gaze upon and smile, even then you continue running because even though there are centuries between this moment and the moment of your birth, it's like there is so much, so much to see. 

x

Time winds itself up and around you because are you not its child? You, who breaths space and dreams of love and rage, you who are so much. Oh, but they try to stop you, this fierce storm of a Time Lord and you never do. You never do because the universe is whispering Doctor, Doctor and pushing these people to you; stewardesses, students, adventurers, scientists. Those who thought so little of themselves and those who thought too much but each time they marked you, carved their names into the skin of your TARDIS and you and while you never wrote their names down, while you never had their photos you always remembered every, single one of them. The ones who became your friends and those who were your enemies, the ones from your own planet who never quite knew how to act around you and crossed paths with you so many times you lost count.

x

When you were the first, you grumbled and you waved your cane but you always had a plan and laugh. When you were the second, the music calmed you down and there was always, always a way out. When you were the third, Earth's winds were kind to you and the TARDIS was always ready to welcome you back to her. When you were the fourth and the fifth and the sixth, when you were the seventh and then the eight, when you forgot and remembered and forgot again and nearly broke all creation apart just to save that one last soul from the void. Oh, when you were all of them, you always held the universe close to your hearts and ran, always further away than before because once you started, you forgot how to stop. 

Are you not the universe and time itself embodied in one body, cosmos itself twining around you and keeping you safe because it cannot stand without you any longer, not when you- not when your beautiful planet with its watchers and mountains is no longer there, not when it was destroyed and then saved and then away, just behind a wall that you can't get through. Oh, but of course you remember the war, of course you remember healing where you could and holding back a cry because what could you do, what could you ever possibly do about the hell unleashed on the space and time and the reality cracking at its seams. You just want to save what you can, don't they see. You hypocrite, you bleeding soul. The warrior you never wanted to be, the shadow cast by the storm raging in you. 

x

Times change and so must I, you whisper and there it is again, that same tickling on your fingers as they are enveloped in a golden light and tears prickle your eyes. The same, beautiful sound that has gotten even more pronounced every time you have closed your eyes and become something new (ever since you fell for the first time and didn't hear your Companions calling you, since you woke as the second and the ceiling of the TARDIS was blurry in your new eyes), that same soft sound at the back of your head. This body has seen some awful but beautiful things, this body has yelled at the sky and driven away armies with just words and in a way you are reluctant to let it go but you know it has to be done, goodbyes has been said and mind has been set

the TARDIS creaks and whines, this old girl, go on and carry me for another new adventure that will last for another thousand years. Oh, old girl, carry me. You open your eyes again, your mind a blur and your hearts

beating

a

         new

     rhythm

(clang, clang, there goes the clock, twelve times does it strike)


End file.
